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Ghoulz
Transforming Sexual Desire Star this Commitment
Week 13 of 13

Ghoulz commits to:
I will abstain from all forms of sexual indulgence, choosing to practice loving-kindness meditation whenever the urge arises. This time, for the first time ever, I WILL commit 100% to not masturbating, not looking at porn--no exceptions-- and will try to steer dreams to practice loving-kindness instead of indulging in sense desire. I WILL do this. I will not fail like the countless times I have before. I will step above the temptation to look at porn. Mirror = loving-kindness. Not sex. 100%!!!!
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13
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My Commitment Journal
Ghoulz
Ghoulz
May 6, 2017, 7:23 PM
Reevaluating goals. Stillness.
Ghoulz
Ghoulz
April 29, 2017, 9:40 PM
I failed to commit 100%. The alluring call of the sirens has swept me away. When they were done with me, I found myself washed ashore. Warning. Dip your toes at your own risk. Beware of appearances. On the surface the water seems clear, lucid, and calm yet underneath the current is strong, rushing at hellish speeds. Right when your toe meets the polite and inviting water, for a second, its second face is shown. It is dead, it is ugly and it is deceptive. Frightened by its apparition, we turn a blind eye to the horrors and take refuge in our sensual delights. The illusory beauty of sensual delights is the very veil which covers the dead matter. It is not the dead matter which shines, but our eyes which perceive it to. I have committed to paying attention to the siren's call and mindfully listening to their song. The song itself is innocent, it's the pull of the song which leads one away. I will become aware of these sex energies and transcend them. I will see them for what they are and because of thus, I will be freed. I commit completely to not masturbating and to not losing myself in mindless snesual indulgence.
Ghoulz
Ghoulz
April 21, 2017, 8:02 PM
I rationalized masturbating while microdosing on shrooms. I won't beat myself for up doing so, but I recognize that I failed and that it was not a good rationalization. Immediately after having released sperm a little, my desire to act sexually disappeared. I made it one week before committing this error, but it is a good start. I will continue this goal until completion. The doing shrooms was an excuse, but no more is doing any psychedelic an excuse. There is much more pleasure to be had than physical pleasure on any psychedelic anyway. To focus on sexual pleasure is to be short sighted. Each week will be a learning lesson. In my mind I could justify sexual indulgence when on psychedelics. No more jusitification.
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