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Praise the lord!!!! Today is my last day. I would like to thank everyone who supported me in my highs in lows. I know that this is a neverending battle but when have you friends. Real friends. It really makes the difference and stands the sands of time. United we stand divided we fall. This has been a good day but I promise you this isn't the last you heard of me. |
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Ok today was my graduation day. Yippee. So I won't have to see most of these bozos anyway. This has been a rough week with hopefully with a silver lining at the end of the tunnel. I lost the power two days ago it back yesterday night. My graduation was in the middle of a tropical storm. Most of my family members are trying to push me into the medical field with no offense to the folks working in it. I just don't like working around sick people 24 hours a day 7 days a week handling blood and unknown diseases. I want to be an entrepreneur later on. My cousin is the only one that supports me in my career. And for college....I'm not sure but i'm taking it one step at a time. |
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On friday night of last week I made a massive mistake. I looked up some models one thing led to another and I started looking at naked girls. Before you get all judgemental. Last friday was my last day as a senior so we had a senior send off. Because the high school majority is black folk. The dj played music for a while less than an hour later some girls started "twerking". If you don't know what it is look it up its pretty "nasty". Not as in nasty nasty but more like a promiscuous nasty. Some girls that I know that were smart in school were acting like fools ...... they were acting like freaks. Later that day I was reminiscing of the events that happened. You know that crazy thing about the human mind is that we remember the more not so good events rather than the good events. I was thinking about it and my hormones started kicking. Plus I was in front of the computer so that didn't help. You heard the saying "idle hands are the devils workshop". So what did I do? I tried to feed my hunger by looking up girls in shorts shorts because the females that were twerking were wearing short shorts. As much as I hate to admit it I found it kind of a turnon. I would be a hypocrite to say I was entirely disgusted by the way they acted but part of me I wished I wasn't there because when I have lust in my heart that's when i'm at my lowest and I tried to say strong for the remainder of the day but it was a tug. A very strong tug that pulled me into lust so I didn't resist I looked at some porn, masturbated and was done. Well not entirely, Saturday morning I thought about what I saw on Friday night and I masturbated again. The ironic part was that I had went to the park to exercise with my parents. Honestly, I felt like shit. I didn't want to anything for the rest of day simply because I masturbated. The thing is with masturbation is that by doing it you are literally taking most of the energy away from the body so a remainder of the energy I had from friday night I stripped away. I recovered daily from the issue by eating apples. So the thing about masturbation about it being healthy in my opinion it really isn't. It makes you less confident toward girls and you literally feel like crap everyday. So my advice don't do it. It's a slow process to get back to the guy I once was without the lust without issues, without harm. But I can't the damage has already been done. So the only thing I could do is hope for the greater good that one day Christ can deliver me from this situation because this isn't my only issue gosh I have plenty others. But I know i'm not alone in this. Your strength will make me stronger even when I can't take much longer. |
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Stress. I wouldn't call it stress...more like mandatory contentment. Like i need to be comfortable now what ever situation i'm in.... |
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