It's been a tough 4 months of recurring weight gain. I have eaten in-between meals and had sugar items daily and occasionally flour items. My portions are too large. I'm not planning and committing to my food in advance. I'm not sticking to just 3 meals a day. I'm eating too late at night and throwing in snacks. I'm been gaining 3+ pounds per week. My low point around April was 218 and I had held that for at least a couple months. Since then I've gained 35 pounds, mostly since post-formal disclosure in late June 2019. My self image has gone done hill. I've talked about feeling sexually dead. I sometimes think: "What's the point?" Stephanie is being particularly standoffish regarding any thought or option of sexual intimacy. She is pretty quite harsh with me, post-formal disclosure. I need to be patient, accept her decision, be my own person and continue to work and grow in my recovery. I am giving a lot of effort to my sexual sobriety recovery, however, I realized quite some time ago that sobriety means with food and emotions also. |
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I did much better this past week. I stopped eating dark chocolate peanut butter cups, Kind bars and Clif bars effective Monday, 10/14. I did eat a sea salt cookie on Sat & Sun (and again on Tues) after feeling stick and throwing up 3x on Saturday. I've also had a few bites of breakfast biscuit and a few small sweet items at home. None of these things taste that great and I don't have a craving to keep eating them. This is progress. My weight is down about 4.5 pounds from its highpoint last week. |
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I ate freely on my birthday. I did very well for the first 2 1/2 days and then I started slipping back into eating too many protein bars and too much sugar. |
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I've gained 15 pounds in past 3 months. I am done with self-destruction. Time to love myself and permanently take self care actions each day as part of my full recovery. |
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