Sarah Tauber
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29 Sep 2012
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Custom Goal (find quite time for... #263772
worry commits to:    find quite time for meditation and gratitude to alleviate fear
Next required report: No more reports due  
Total Amount on the line: $60.00   Successful Periods: 12
Stakes per period: $5.00 Unsuccessful Periods: 0
Remaining Stakes: $0.00 Total Money Lost: $0.00
Contract Start: 30 Dec 2012       "find quite time for meditation and gratitude to alleviate fear"
I commit to:
Choosing quiet time everyday of minimally 10 minutes to gather my thoughts in a meditate place of gratitude to offset fear and rushing.
Contract End: 24 Mar 2013
Contract Length: 12 week(s)
Recipient of Stakes: Anti-charity (Gun Control: NRA Foundation)
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Reporting Periods
Page 1 of 3 (12 total entries)
Reporting period: 17 Mar to 24 Mar
Period status:
User report: Success
Reporting period: 10 Mar to 17 Mar
Period status:
User report: Success
Reporting period: 3 Mar to 10 Mar
Period status:
User report: Success
Reporting period: 24 Feb to 3 Mar
Period status:
User report: Success
Reporting period: 17 Feb to 24 Feb
Period status:
User report: Success
Commitment Journal what's this?

25 Mar 2013 03:11 AM

The past three months have not been easy in regard to this commitment. It has been uneven. But there has been clear improvement and awareness of how easily I can ignore this imperative for mental and spiritual sanity.

18 Mar 2013 01:13 AM

More or less sticking to it. This may have been the hardest week for me. I realize that I cannot wait until the evening to create space in my day. Whenever and wherever I can set aside 10 minutes is good enough. Especially since in the evening I am tired and just want to unwind. Will keep trying.

11 Mar 2013 12:31 AM

This week was better. I managed more frequently to find the 10 minutes of calm. It seems to be helping me more generally as well.

4 Mar 2013 03:45 AM

This week was better. I was able to find 10 minutes every day, whether in the bath, in a church, in the train, lying down. Tonight is the first time I have missed completely. Last week I spoke about it in one of my classes that seemed to help motivate me. Publicizing what I am doing being accountable to myself by sharing it with others. Will try to pick up tomorrow again.

24 Feb 2013 03:38 PM

This week was not very successful. I did not create space for quite time. I did little meditating on gratitude. In truth, it was a week where I hardly even thought about creating this kind of time and space for myself. I was distracted. I am not sure how this happened. This discipline is harder than I imagined it would be. I find ways to procrastinate and ignore it. There is always something else that comes up. I have not made a definite time commitment to myself. I seem to be lazy about it. Whether this is because it is uncomfortable for me or I don't see it as so necessary, I am not sure. 10 minutes a day really is quite manageable. So what is stopping me?

18 Feb 2013 03:51 AM

I have not succeeded in making a regular time for my gratitude meditation. I have paid attention to doing it on the train, resting on the futon, taking a bath, sitting in the sauna, but I have not managed otherwise.
I am still living in a fear based place, projecting bad things happening. The latest is fears for Hannah. Wondering about her talents and her possibilities and if being exceptional is a blessing or it is better to just be normal and average. But I have to remember that my thoughts are just thoughts. I worry about her because I want her to be safe and happy with no difficulties and no pain that is overwhelming or unmanageable. I want her to stay steady and not unravel. I have to remind myself that all is foreseen and humans have free will. Let me stay in the day. Let me pray. Let me remind myself that this life is only granted to us one day at a time. That there is sorrow and joy, tragedy and happiness, disappointment and reward, sanity and craziness, and all we can do is take it one day at a time. Life never promises us anything. I have chosen to bring children into the world and I must live with that joy and with that uncertainty. That is all that can be said. I must pray and stay in a place of gratitude despite my fears. Remember that my children are God's children and are watched over as are we all.

10 Feb 2013 10:09 PM

This is an ongoing process. It is harder than I thought it would be. I don't want to give myself time. There is resistance. I find ways to avoid it, I even forget it. I find myself slipping mentally into old patterns as if they are a talisman to help me control life and all of its dangers and fears.

10 Feb 2013 10:07 PM

Things went pretty well. I am still struggling to make concrete time at home. I did some of this work on the train for example. This week I want to pay more attention to carve out home time for it. I will start tonight. As to the beneficial effects, they are clear. I want to pull myself back to a frantic state of fear, as if it will comfort me to go into that kind of thinking. There is a piece of magical thinking to all of this as well. Hanging on to the negative thought patterns in order to ward off evil.

3 Feb 2013 06:28 PM

I am sticking with it. This week I missed a few days, but have on the whole been pleased with my discipline. I do think it helps me keep on a more steady internal compass. It requires focus, and self-calming. The stomach aches were not as pronounced this week. Will keep trying to make it every day.

27 Jan 2013 11:26 PM

This week was moderately successful. I missed two days but then bounced back. Sometimes in the evening I am simply too tired but I know that it is better for me to insist that I stick with the behavior. I continue to feel the knot in my stomach at times this is a real physical hint that I worry and feel afraid even when I suppress it during the day.

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