In my private practice as a licensed clinical psychologist, I see the same tragedy on a daily basis.  In a nutshell, too many couples are guilty of not having sex.  In fact, many of these married men and women don’t even stop and think about the reality – that they’ve basically given it up altogether.  These couples simply forgo sex and assign it a relic-status, as if it’s locked inside a moth-eaten attic.  If this is you – and you no longer do it with your spouse – it’s time to start doing it again.

The reasons why some men and women avoid sex with their partners are obvious – weight gain, resentments, and fatigue from too many other obligations top the list.
Hold on – breaking news - sex should not be an obligation! 

Sex should bring pleasure to both partners, and it is important for a couple to maintain a sex life for the sake of long term intimacy.  No, you don’t need swinging-by-the-chandeliers-sex on a nightly basis, but you do need a little lovin’ from time to time.

Sex is important on a physical level because it often relieves tension and anxiety.  Sex also brings with it touch, which can soothe your nerves.  Too many people go untouched too much, and the world would be a lot more peaceful place if everyone got their back rubbed a little more often.  On an emotional level, sex is critical because sex with someone you know and trust can make you feel warm and protected.

The danger, when it comes to sex, is that forgetting about it can become a bad habit.  After a while, it can be awkward to initiate sex with your partner if you haven’t been sexual in a long time.  All kinds of insecurities get added to the equation – will I get rejected if I try?  Is he or she even still attracted to me?

If you’ve let sex fall by the wayside, you are doing a major disservice to your own health and to the health of your relationship.  Make a commitment to bring sexual behavior back into your life again, and try by starting slowly.  The next time you are watching television with your partner, grab his or her hand and rub it gently.  Maybe a few weeks of this will prime you to take it to the next level.  At the next level, slip in a comment about how you think he or she looks sexy wearing something, and follow it up with a little embrace.  The simplest gestures can kick-start your sex life again, but bringing sex back will require setting step-by-step goals, making consistent efforts, and giving it time. 

Remember – do it for your health and do it for your relationship!