sp1001
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Stop watching porn and masterbating...
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Day 24 of 90
sp1001 commits to:
Not watching porn or masterbating for 90 days. During this time, I will exercise twice a day, meditate daily, and journal to help me develop healthier coping mechanisms
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My Commitment Journal
 sp1001
March 27, 2023, 9:57 PM
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| Sam died today which is fucked. Today is busy with the memorial + studying + dealing with SB trip a bit so I'll try to get on here to get more of my thoughts down when I have more time. The short part is I can't stop thinking about Sam but I don't really feel much. It feels so fucked to say that because part of me is really sad about all of this. But at the same time, I haven't really cried at all and I'm not sure if that's because of shock or something else. Either way, I think that is definitely something I should unpack later--this is not about me and for now I really just want to be there to support my friends and remember/celebrate Sam for the smart, humble, kind, open-minded, devout, and all-around amazing human being he will always be. | |
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sp1001
March 22, 2023, 1:46 AM
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| I really don't know what it is but I keep returning to the thought of wanting a girlfriend. It definitely doesn't help seeing people together a lot during the day but it's starting to get to the point where I feel like I really need to step up my mental game to not let this stupid shit get in my head. Right now, I don't have anything pinning me down which makes it the perfect time to become an absolute savage. In other words, I have set myself up perfectly to become exactly who I want to be. Yet I can't stop feeling unfulfilled and instead of effectively channeling that into motivation to work, I have been letting that feeling of discontent marinate and bring me down. I'm not sure there's a super formulaic process to help channel that feeling into something more productive but whatever it take (research, experimentation, or a combo, or other stuff), I need to get on it ASAP because I'm just pissing away prime opportunity right now. | |
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sp1001
March 21, 2023, 12:34 AM
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| Things are good, I still think about relationships too much but that's better than where I was before and hopefully with time, I'll let go of those thoughts more and more and just be able to vibe and have fun more as a result/in place of all that. | |
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sp1001
March 20, 2023, 4:20 AM
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| That was close but daylight savings bailed me out. Gotta do better about finding a time (or setting an alarm?) to do this every day | |
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