desposi
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change my attidude
Star this Commitment
Week 10 of 10
desposi commits to:
so much of the last few years ive had trouble as ive velt that i went into a depression after feeling everything fall apart and while im not still like that entierly - i feel that i fogot entierly how much control i truly have over my own experience...though i know one thing - it isnt a simple switch - i need to train my self to recognize my own power to manipulate my own perception and feel of the world i live in - hell - i want to be able to take a fight with my mom andremembericontrolmyexpece
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My Commitment Journal
 desposi
October 8, 2009, 7:43 AM
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im glad i did put in 4 hours on the job hunt, i may not always be the most effective time user, but as long as i put in time and block out other things i will get it done. and i know for sure that because you support me even now, i'll always support you some how |
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desposi
October 8, 2009, 4:53 AM
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so, im doing better, i suppose, i mean i honestly havent really been able to do much of any work until latley. I started trying to commit time totals to job hunting and the fact that ive done a few hours on it the last few days is in it self an accomplishment as it takes focus, though ive realized i can hold it on busy work for about an hour it seems until i get rather exahusted. but i intend on trying to streatch that to work better. good luck on the marathon. you'll kick ass i know it cant wait for the field museum - it will be fun |
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desposi
October 1, 2009, 6:30 AM
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It seems that i am just starting to truly delve into whats really going on in my head at times. I am glad i did increase my vyvanse latley as it did help me unlock some things from the depths of my mind it seems. if i hadnt of done that i wouldnt have tried to stat scribbling thoughts on paper more than i have in the past. The random collection of thought and feelings on paper are what ultimetly lead to a self awareness of my internal state. I am prob still a bit depressed, as to be honest, self talk isnt neccesarily self talk, but self feelings, and at times its simply relearning to allow oneself to feel life for what it is. It is a hard process as any worthwile one is, though the fact that i am even made these little improvments my self here so far is in it self amazing. Seems my mind really needs to sort things out in silence, in my own on paper - but the most important part, to be present to my own internal state, not the words going through my head, but the feelings themselves, as they can be entierly seperated from one another and lead to a disconnect. A certain stubborness of the mind that pushes us away from feeling what we areally need to feel to deal with it. none the less- i am on my way - on my way, and shall see you at the end of the road :) |
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desposi
September 4, 2009, 4:14 AM
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| ive enjoyed reading the book "flow: the science of optimal experience" so far, it has a lot of good insights i feel you would appreciate caitlin | |
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